»In which I hate on mobile phones

No mobile phone has ever satisfied me, and I think that, as manufacturers add features to phones, the dissatisfaction will increase.

My Motorola V635 began exhibiting a bizarre failure mode: when it cannot join a network, it refuses to charge. Frustratingly, my office abuts a large wetlands area-cum-Superfund site, and no antennae sometimes leads to no signal.

What I really want is a sort of procmail for the telephone, though: an easy-to-use language that I can use to instruct the software to, say, always ring if my sweetie calls; or defer all non-work calls (based on tags in my phone book, a certain prefix, et c.) during non-work hours; or respect "Quiet Time" at the press of a button.
Open-source mobile telephony may have a long way to go from the hardware perspective, but why the software cannot implement something like this -- oh, that's right, all of the networks are closed.