»In which we never drive again

The DMV sent me a renewal form.

I have lived at the same address for seven years.

The paperwork notes that because I am so firmly planted at this address, I can renew my license "VIA INTERNET". Awesome. The web site immediately launches some garish video with horrendous sound, and the "Sound On/Off" widget does nothing. Nothing. I kill the volume on my computer and click through the online renewal business. At the glorious conclusion ("click once", the site advises for each "Continue" button"), I see the confirmation:

CONGRATULATIONS!

You have successfully completed your internet transaction. Please allow up to ten days for processing.

What internet is this, that takes two business weeks for processing? In an age where a Google search for "California DMV turn off sound on homepage" takes a quarter of a second, why does a transaction at the DMV -- which has already confirmed my Driver's License Number, Date of Birth, Address, special Renewal Identification Number (sent via postal mail), and a half-dozen other pieces of personally-identifying information; and has already vetted my bank card for the payment -- why does this transaction take 3,456,000 times as long?

I also really like that I avoid having to submit to a vision exam by renewing over the internet. The state requires that this exam accompany all renewals processed in person at a DMV Field Office. Presumably the state made an assumption because of my age, although they already know that I have an CORR LENS restriction on my license.